I’ll get straight to the point. I’ve just returned from a five month stay in a locked mental health facility following a major manic episode.
It has been interesting, and illuminating at times, but ultimately horrendous, and I am now feeling tattered and torn, and struggling with the inevitable aftermath.
In fact, I am only on a week’s ‘leave’, although I hope to be fully discharged on my return next week.
I am now left to pick up the pieces of my broken life, and face the somewhat humiliating, and mammoth task of returning to the world, and the very daunting task of reconnecting with friends and family, and the world at large. This feels, rightly or wrongly, both exciting and terrifying, and is also tainted by guilt, shame, and humiliation.
It is what it is.
On a more positive note, in time, I hope to be able to process this whole period, to learn and grow from it, and even be able to transform the hellish, often brutal experience into a positive force for change for me in my life, as well as being able and support to help others.
For now though, I feel bashed in, and fearful for the somewhat inevitable relapse into depression, which often follows such a high. I’m bruised and hurting from the incarceration itself, the poor and depressing state of the facility. Just one aspect alone, was of not being able to choose, prepare and eat decent food. What was supplied was akin to school dinners. Then, there is the fact of being in close quarters with distressed, and unwell people, and I obviously had my moments! Worst of all I think, was the dry, and echoing space, with the relentless slamming of doors, and the haunting sound of keys, and locked doors.
And, as a consequence of this period, I’ve also been inevitably cut off from virtually all friends and family, and the ‘real’ world itself. Everday life has been very boring, routine, and insular. I’ve also been, to all intents and purposes, forced to co exist at close quarters with 10 other ‘inmates’, of varying ill mental health, in a relatively small, claustrophobic space. This has been especially difficult for me because I actually live on my own, in a beautiful, spacious, rural setting, with Fudge, my loyal and loving cat.
It is somewhat ironic how previous to my decent into ‘madness’, I had vehemently stated in earlier blogs regarding weening off the dangerous cocktail of mental health drugs, that I did not wish to be a lab rat for ‘big pharma’ any longer, and yet how this became exactly my position.
In defense of ‘the system’, I have been restarted on lithium, an older drug, and more reliable historically for me at least. Also, in fairness, many of the doctors and staff were often kind and supportive, despite their professional constraints.
Anyway, I am mostly writing this blog to avoid having to repeatedly explain myself to people individually. This is a very difficult, and delicate time for me now, and having to repeatedly retell such a painful experience will simply be upsetting and could hinder my recovery.
After such a protracted mental illness, by far the longest to date, the risk of relapse into depression is a very real probability, and so I will be working hard, mentally and emotionally to navigate this difficult time.
This kind of beautiful ‘open, present, gift’, of improvised, honest energy exchange, and dialogue, using a language, and practise, that is at once, both deeply ancient, and exquisitely, ‘new born’ all at once, on a wave, of breathing life’s sweet force into ourselves, effortlessly, yet mindfully, and perhaps blissfully, and joyfully present in the moment of new-ness, and re-birth, & re-new-all available to each and every one of us, within each and every moment we chose to connect with source, for that which may on the surface of things appear to be simply just ‘another contemporary dance technique practise, and style’.
This is simply, yet paradoxically perhaps the most difficult and challenging daily practise/process that I’ve ever been involved in, engaged in, and committed to. Essentially, contact improvisation, is just that. A process, and approach to life, that honours the fact of our newness at, & arrival in every given moment.
That celebrates, and plays joyfully in the safety of the structure, of the language of dance, and the theatre of life contained within. Contact & Improvisation, are so much more than just dance, or a performance art, or a critical integral part of the artistic cannon, or historical, contextual, academic, intellectual blah!
I can’t even articulate within those frames of reference as I’m enjoying, witnessing, and imbibing, with every single cell of my being, in this now moment, and can do so, each and every day of my life, from here on out/in, whenever, I choose to just stop, touch the earth, and breath. ‘Meditate for a lower heart-rate, find my belly, really contemplate, cos we all need time, time to just be, time to process our reality’, words and music written, and published here, are Copyright, Meerkat 2013
Albeit ebb & flow, call & response, inward, outward, beautiful, organic, gentle, congruence, joyful, expressive, expansive, where two become more than just the sum of their two parts, where the very music & dance of our internal drum-beats rhythmically, and consistently, as we move together in magical, musical, movement, & merriment-making, mischief, & may-hem!
Literally, metaphorically, and miraculously speaking, by dancing, through this particular journey through life, in this plane, and dimension of everyday experience, and living, we have a limited, finite amount of time here, on earth, any of us, and our experience, while we’re here can, in my humble, and gratitude-filled experience with manifesting poetically, playfully, precociously, my alliterative aspirations, opening to the joyful, playful, activity of life. Life as art. Life is art. ‘Art, only imitates life’, and with the apparent ‘effortless ease’, with words, with witch, the astutely, acerbic, songstress, Ani DiFranco, observes, that ‘life imitates TV’!
I am literally, and figuratively, metaphorically speaking now, ‘making a song & dance of it’, my life, that is! Making a song, using the inner poetry of breath, written in quicksand, fluid, passing through, with breathtaking, rapid, yet radically gentle, beautifully harnessed, and expressed, divine-energy, and life-force, so utterly transient, and impermanent. Oh the joy!
Not much me, or anyone else for that matter can actually say about Contact Improvisation.
But I will, of course!
BUT NEVER-THE-LESS, I’LL HAVE A RUDDY GOOD GO AT IT!!!
For those of a hurried, or rushed predisposition, I whole-heatedly and hearted lie
suggest that you stop reading here!
Either continue scrolling through, or stay and watch this 3 minute video, and exquisite example of all that I so hopelessly, by default, cannot, but yet continue to try, and discuss, or dis-course about it anyway!
Blah! Blah! Blah!
No matter how clever, word-literate, educated, experienced, in both the artistic endeavour, and activity of writing, and dancing, CI, cannot quite be expressed, through the power of spoken language and words. So, without further ado, or further pointless trying to articulate, or express what CI IS, or IS NOT, I’ll just get out of the way, and post up this relatively short, 3-minute video.
I’m wondering whether it may be, precisely because it is an experiential, and therefore indefinable, & inexplicable, arts practice, whether it’s potential for highly trans-formative, potentially meditative, healing,& medicinal, properties, through the sacred, and holy, arts & spiritual practise, for me at least, of sound, energy, and vibration, more simply put, song and dance.
This healthy, loving, gentle practise embraces, & encourages, empathy, & compassion for the self, and for our often extraordinarily difficult, painful, or turbulent passage through this life.
CI allows whatever IS, to emerge, and in that resurfacing, moment to moment, exists the possibility for redemption, peace, hope, & LOVE.
It can be a liberating, and truly freeing, ‘virtually ecstatic’ experience, and borders, at times, for me at least, on the religious, rites, & ritual, from the sacred, to the profane!
In this holistic, whole, union, with self, on the earth, in ‘right relationship’, with the earth, and all beings, is radical, and revolutionary, as we firstly, through honouring ourselves, but in relation to (hence the word ‘contact’, connect, etc) between, ourselves, the earth, others, and all living beings.
With the tools, and tenets of, CI, we are able to more fully, and easily, understand, know, & feel, with a bold, innate certainty, through dance, the very basic, active, principle, of ‘shibashi’, Qi gong, movement.
This movement, of awakening the qi, or prana, or life-force, or more basically, biologically, and scientifically, means breath, and breathing.
This breathing practise, which allows us the spaciousness necessary for honouring the spaces between us, and our often experienced, and perceived sense of ‘separate-ness’ from our souls, the earth, & each other. Often, for me, falling out of the habit of a daily practise, I’m instead allowing, & maintaining the illusion, that we are even remotely, possibly separate from either heaven, & earth, each other, ourselves, or the universe, as we dance the mystic spiral!
Basically, all of the above is ultimately superfluous! All I need to do, is play the video, watch, and breathe steadily, gently, and mindfully.
Like art, All language is, in my humble opinion, to be actively encouraged, explored, & expressed freely, authentically & peacefully. without fear of damage, or danger, or risk of harm to selves or others.
In the words of Suzanne Vega; ‘If language were liquid, it would be rushing in, instead here we are, in a silence more eloquent than any word could ever be’.
I’d simply like to thank two of my dance teachers, & acknowledge, & appreciate them, here, & now, and my gratitude for their being in my life, as two of my very own, favourite, important-to-me, empowered, and empowering, inspirational teachers, Dale Thompson &Thomas Kampe
In my mind, as well as in my ‘body/mind’, within the very molecules, of my muscle-memory, these have been, for me, two of the most important, dance teachers, choreographers, individual dance-theatre, performance artists, theatre-makers, university lecturers, professors, personal & professional, dance practitioners, facilitators.
Using of a variety of different, contrasting, and complementing, contemporary dance styles, and techniques, but especially, centrally, and essentially for me, improvisation, contact, choreography, creative arts research, and development, artistic, creative, academic, intellectual, science-based, quantifiable, evaluation-able, dance practise, dance-theatre production.
The dynamic, and different ‘feel’ of this practise, this relatively new, still young, yet somehow, miraculously-safe, and ‘sacred’ dance-form, art-form, moving, meditation practise, dance technique, and dance language, of a vocabulary-expanding process, involving so many different aspects of ourselves, as experienced in the present, now-moment, that quite beautifully, metaphorically, and buoyantly, ‘floats my boat’!
Then there is my martial arts practise…
Goju Ryu Karate
Goju Ryu karate-do, ‘the way of the empty hand’, a journey which, for me, began the Saturday afternoon, I just happened to take my younger brother, then aged 9, to his karate class.
In 1999, I truly began my journey into movement, art, healing, and spirituality.
Below is my incredible, Karate instructor, friend, ally, ‘petty tyrant’, ‘critical parent’, dancing poet, & tai chi master, Leo Lipinski.
Shihan, (master) who was once my Sensei (teacher), and who, judging by this ‘googled’ image, is no longer of this world…
I love that there exists, an exact, deliciously perfect blend of ‘my cup of tea’, that is totally ‘right up my boulevard’! I thank, and appreciate you all, my teachers, healers, martial artists, artists, mystics etc, because you were/are all ‘instrumental’, and an integral part of inspiring, encouraging, nurturing, supporting, and assisting me to build my own unique, yet similar, inner-resources, and personal resilience, in my own unique, while still echoing, and/or mirroring others in my unique, and personal way. Making the journey of exploration, is to realise at once, how very similar we all really are, actually, & yet our own experience tells us we are unlike anyone else, in our experience, and perception of ‘the journey’.
The exploration, & learning, of this new, and in my humble opinion, potentially ‘life-enhancing’ practise, and process, has inspired my work in the field of a community-based, social, visual, visible, arts practise, which I believe can be offered, & experienced as, a life-enhancing, daily practise, maintained through learning, and developing improvisation skills, developing a wider, constantly evolving, organic, movement-style, which is made up of various movement forms, such as, but not exclusively aspects of, yoga, circus skills, acrobatics, martial arts, gymnastics, tai-chi, aikido, kung fu, qi gong, and dance theatre, dynamic, edgy, improvised dance theatre performance.
There also exists the potential to use this multi-faceted, movement-style, as a community-building tool, and a means to empowering ourselves, and others within the circles of our dance, and wider community, using self-expression, expressively, and expressly, to facilitate exploratory, and organically-arising, movements. as I myself have been doing for over 20 years now! This inherent potential which I feel CI strongly contains, I believe, exists for the greater health, and well-being of each and every individual human being currently living on this planet! I feel powerfully pulled, and drawn towards developing these aspects of this particular dance style. I love to work with a diverse range, of different, community groups, and feel strongly that our communal, mutual, yet simultaneously unique, experience of ‘the dance’ can be used as a therapeutically-based movement practise, similar to, but not the same as, ‘authentic movement’.
The above mentioned principles of practise, are all aspects of, an eclectic, organic, and constantly shifting, & evolving, movement process, that is known collectively, within the dance community, and beyond, both Nationally, and internationally, known as, ‘contact-improvisation’. I was also fortunate enough to attend, a beautiful, week-long, relaxing & restful, yet powerful, physically informative, stimulating, and mentally interesting, musically supported, movement exploration, using both the Feldenkrais Method, and the principles of movement improvisation. This was an amazing week of dance, in a beautiful rural, Spanish setting, with a small, intimate, group, in a workshoprun by my previous, now older, university lecturer,and dance teacher, Thomas, using Feldenkrais & improvisation as the basis for movement exploration.
I thank you both sincerely, and with a deep bow of gratitude from the still seat, within my heart.
I love that there exists, an exact, deliciously perfect blend of ‘my cup of tea’, that is totally ‘right up my boulevard’! I thank, and appreciate you both, because you were an instrumental, and integral part of inspiring, encouraging, nurturing, supporting, and assisting me to build my own unique, yet similar, inner-resources, and personal resilience, in my own unique, while still echoing, and/or mirroring others in my unique, and personal way. Making the journey of exploration, is to realise at once, how very similar we all really are, actually, & yet our own experience tells us we are unlike anyone else, in our experience, and perception of ‘the journey’.
Lovely, longed for, but not absolute…
The cracking, and unfolding, unfurling of the shoot from the seed
on a recent vacation. The particular form seems to be relatively rare in Chinese instruments these days, but it’s nearly identical to a Japanese shakuhachi.
Not only does it sound beautiful, but it’s made from the root end of bamboo, so the inside is very thick and solid. It’s about the length of a typical kali stick.
I wanted to play the clarinet as a kid, and applied to get lessons in secondary school, but didn’t get a place.
When I began seriously practicing martial arts, I thought of it as a substitute for music. To me, martial arts were like physical music.
Music, martial arts, and dance have the same underlying roots: rhythm, movement, timing, the manipulation of volume or intensity, expression, and hopefully, exploration, improvisation, and creativity. Music uses all of the above with sound, dance with physical manifestations, and martial arts with physical manifestations against an opponent. Played with others, music requires coordination, adaptation, and flexibility relative to others. So do dance and martial arts.
On the surface, the execution of functional martial arts may not look much like music or dance. Exchanges don’t have a consistent rhythm, because practitioners are attempting to stop the music of their opponent with music of their own. So you generally end up with a quick clash or clashes that don’t appear to be musical or dance like.
To be successful in martial arts or self defense, a practitioner must start their own dance of destruction either before their opponent begins, or around and into their opponent’s dance, adapting as necessary, possibly changing the beat or switching to another scale, but staying on the same improvised line.
BAM!!! It may be over in a single beat. ba – BOP. A beat and a half. CRASH – puuuullllll – ELBOW. It needs to be timed with your opponent’s motion.
The trick is to get ahead of your opponent’s dance/music, and control it. It’s challenging. It’s a bit like trying to play an instrument with another person attempting to beat you with their own instrument. From the outside, it likely won’t sound pretty. But for the practitioner who can dance through his opponent,
there is very little difference between music, dance, and martial arts.
Because the roots are the same, practicing any one of them can help you with the others. Ultimately, they are different windows on the same landscape.
This blend also bloody-well contains the neurotoxin, bull-shit, man-made, harmful, chemical, which has been proven to be toxic to the human brain, aspartame, which is very cleverly renamed, heavily disguised, through reinvention, & re-branding, & the use of clever psychologically-manipulative, marketing-ploys, and strategies to sell us more of this deadly substance.
These ‘teas’ come in 100mg sachets, but these sachets contain the horrible, dirty, poisonous, toxic, dependency-forming, neurotoxin, ASPARTAME!!!
(NRV = Nutrient Reference Value (previously referred to as RDA)
ug = Microgramme, mg = Milligram, IU = International Units)
ASPARTAME is a deadly, neuro-toxic substance, is now even, actually labelled, & cleverly marketed as, researched, & developed as, (read: funded-by, big pharma, and other ‘beneficiaries’, aka, corporations, as a ‘FOOD SUPPLEMENT WITH SWEETENER’. Now there’s a contradiction-in-terms, if ever there was one!
The clue is in the fact of the very words, FOOD, SUPPLEMENT, SWEETENER, all being, and existing alongside one another, in this cleverly presented image, within the context of being ‘sold’ our very ideas, and identities, by the all-pervading, pervasive cultural, societal, current trends, such as capitalism, & patriarchy. We have been sold the palatable, digestible, yet ultimately poisonous lies, that our ‘food & medicine’ today, are packaged, synthesised, processed, produced, & marketed within the context ‘nice, neat, & tidy’, seemingly ‘innocuous’, & ‘harmless’, ‘food’, and/or ‘medicines’.
Let me just reiterate, and try to be even more absolute, & clear here, by saying, without apology, nor the need for, justification, protection, of my absolute ‘god-given’ right to speak freely and to share my point of view. It is my prerogative to express my views freely, free-from fear of disrespect, denial, or challenge by others, as this blog is, I fully acknowledge, merely a reflection of my own personal, & subjective experience of life.
So, without further-ado, or the need for this further stalling, self-censoring, stalling, prevarication, procrastination, &/or definitely without the need, or intention of ‘mansplaining’, or being, ‘manspalined’ to!
I speak freely here, as well as with, & without need, nor desire, or the necessary, energy, willingness, humility, clarity, calmness, patience, & a ‘gentle, loving-kindness approach’, that I simply may not have right now, or be willing, or able to achieve..
I’m aware of my own default positions, coping mechanisms, and well-worn, internalised, & perhaps unhealthy behaviours, as well as my own attendant, and seemingly relentless drive to ‘people-please’, so now, without any current willingness, energy, or inner-resourcefulness, or resilience, making me robust enough to do any more ‘pussy-footing’, around, or ‘walking on’ the proverbial ‘egg-shells’, or indeed, possibly even ‘skating on’, metaphorically speaking, very ‘thin-ice, in an unconscious, sleepy, un-awakened, state of being, where the illusion of, a ‘miss-taken’ sense-of-self, sense of duty, ‘responsibility’, miss-placed loyalty, or even a more heady, altruistic, ‘positive’, ‘higher’, more lofty aspiration, that of living in the spirit of a ‘live & let live’ attitude, & approach to life, a more fully, mindful, & present way of life, and in ‘right’ relation with ourselves, each-other, and the divine, both within, & without.
I am no longer able to pander to the the sensibilities of the mostly dominant, present-day, ‘ruling-classes’, are represented perfectly, and clearly, through the very systems of oppression, and exploitation, we live under, namely, & aka, Patriarchy, and Capitalism. No need here for any ‘mincing of words’, after all this very self-destructive, sick, and oppressive, system of suppression, and supremacy, a ruling-over, of other people, animals, plants, & all living beings, by a life-denying, life-destroying, life-limiting, limited, ‘life-less’ system within today’s society. This toxic, deadly, dangerous, life-threatening, poisonous-to-us, extensively-studied, researched-widely, and pretty well known about, & commented on, here on social media itself. It is scientifically, & quantifiable, studied, observed, analysed, and evaluated. Make no mistake, it is all too well-known by the powers-that-be, that these scientifically measurable, emerging, medical impacts are being seen more often, more prolifically experienced, & potentially, epidemically, rife results of ingesting this poisonous man-made, chemical.
SO WHY MUST IT NEEDLESSLY STILL CONTAIN ASPARTAME?!
I’ll leave you with the promise of my next blog containing the very momenta few moments ago now, when words poured-forth, & I made space for a place I needed to exist here for me now, whilst in retreat-mode, to spontaneously record, write, and share, an idea, an energy, coming through me, arising from me, a poem, which it may be useful, and/or relevant to say here.
Despite, and/or in spite of, my multi-faceted artistic, creative self, as writer, & performance artist, encompassing my multi-layered, multi-arts, multi-musings, multiple creative-writing opportunities, & places to share, with people to share, with, for and about, our creative, self-expressions of our unique, & individual, experience, & view of the world around us.
Using the many varied, and various outlets, groups of people, inner resources, of skills, confidence, technique, vocabulary etc as well as, the ‘bottle’ to perform on many public stages, and the various platforms available to me, I have not in fact created, written, birthed, a single, almost virtually, fully-formed, poem, or song, in its entirely, exquisite entirety, for almost 3 years!
So, please forgive me, as I momentarily, magnificently, miraculously, breathe in, with a sense of renewal, and restoration of self. Of rightful ownership, celebration of, and responsibility for, my pride, honour, privilege, and the remembering of, my deeply held feelings, and experience of, the ‘creative-flow’, and the giving birth to, & creative expressions of, life itself.
Through this poem, below, which for me, represents the very, essential acceptance of, and immersion in, the ‘here, & now’, the very to-day, in this NOW moment. A radical, symbolic, and timely BREAK-THROUGH, of the seed, pushing upward through the new, & recently, thawed earth.
…and with that…
…I can open…
…to the rest of my life, as I wake-up, & sing with my dear friend, and fellow songstress, singer-songwriter, guitarist, and beautiful, vibrant soul, Judith, who recognises, and beautifully expresses below, the fact of our limitless opportunities for multiple, and continual process of renewal, experiences of life, death & rebirth.
‘The day will dawn again’, by Judith Silver
The day will dawn again,
Your life will rise again,
Your heart will bloom again,
The day will dawn again.
…the welcome return of the sun, my very essence, my higher-power, heat, & light-source…
Below is a performance of the ‘Aspartame Rap’, a piece of ‘performance poetry’, written & performed by my mum, Pauline Selston, which is, in my opinion, a fantastically creative, witty, humorous, rant about, the continual attempts by ‘big pharma’, & ‘big agri’ to contol, MANipulate and poison the very earth we live on, including ourselves.
It is a wholly appropriate, artistic, reason-able, response-able, response to the current ‘aspartame epidemic’.
Your thoughts, ideas, feedback, input, personal experience, and/or scientific-study, hypotheses, or general discourse on any, or all of the above, very welcome lovelies 🙂
My friend Megan Dotson, who turns 43 years young, TODAY, is raising much-needed, awareness of, & funds for, this invaluable, crucial, free-to-access, vital resource, for people in the US.
Anyone can, at any time, basically, find themselves experiencing extreme mental, &/or emotional distress, whether, or not, it be that they even don’t themselves yet, identify with, feel themselves, or present as particularly, at-risk, vulnerable, and/or actively, suicidal, or not.
This free, potentially life-saving service needs our help and support today, NOW!
Donate whether you can spare even £1, or $1, for you never know when you yourself, or indeed, a loved-one, parent, or child, sibling or other family member, friend or colleague, may need this vital life support system.
With, or without dealing with the presence of actual suicidal-ideation, fantasy about death, and the cessation of the uncontrollable, unstoppable, fear, terror, and paralysing, mental agony, where your very own mind, and thoughts can suddenly, without warning, turn on you, and intensely re-stimulate, old, yet still open, gaping, oozing, infected, painful, potentially dis-eased, unhealed wounds, stemming from old aces, (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and/or excessive feelings, or identification with, or obsessive thought about, or images of, as well as multiple, manic, almost psychotic, ideas of death, as a means to end what feels to be ‘unbearable’, and ‘unendurable’, and/or unceasing, unremitting, relentless, tormenting & torturous, emotional, spiritual, physical, psychic, inter-generational, genetic, innate ‘memory’ of, or actual, present, unrelenting, mental pain and anguish.
In other words, in short (for me atm, lol), this ‘toll-free’ telephone line, is quite literally, a life-line for people who are, have been, and may become vulnerable, or at-risk of needing this helpline to be there for them, when all else has failed to keep their desperation manageable, or in check.
I understand, only too well sometimes, that others who perhaps, like me, sometimes, through no fault of their own, or even an apparent, or ‘obvious reason’, for the sudden onset of acute, mental agony, and/or emotional despair.
It is in this precise moment, that people who have basically reached the end of their proverbial tether, and who may well already be at, or fast-approaching, breaking-point, i.e at a place of complete, and utter, unremitting pain, terror, grief, loss, despair, & loss of perspective, and ultimately, reality.
I understand all this, only too well, as I, myself, have been there, and experienced, many times throughout my life, and from a comparatively early age, (lets say 11 years old for arguments sake) and throughout my entire adult-life, to date. I have had my own past ‘mental health support needs’, & difficulties, as well as my own, unique, overwhelmingly overwhelming, and terrifying experiences of extreme anxiety, aka, terror, along with mental distress, and of the sheer level of desperation I reached, before trying myself to permanently, irreversibly, irrevocably, end my very own life, albeit, at these particular times, for me, an in-vain, & fortunately for me, and those who care about, and love me, I was totally inadequate, ironically incapable of, and unsuccessful in my very own unique, and genuinely mad, crazy, out of my head, mind, and body, attempts to suicide. A permanent, and lasting, final outcome, of a temporary insanity. I m so grateful that now, today, I am no longer, or recently, experiencing the intolerable, agonising pain that leads any of us to needing a telephone helpline such as this.
If you can, and you want to, and/or feel moved to, help Megan Dotson support the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, ‘toll-free’, listening line, in the US, please feel free to donate and/or share this blog, on an issue that directly impacts me, and my life, and by extension those around me too, who love & care about me & my well-being, and this cause, which is very close to my heart.
An inner state Of Being Of living Of life Off grid, CAUGHT Off guard Fluid free flow, Veritable, Free fall, Free for all! Effortless ease, Easy grace Gracious simplicity Monotony, Mundane Profane Sacred Spacious, spinning-spiral Circle Circular Circling of cycling Cycles Recycles Miracles Mirages, Mira Bells! Mira Belles! Meticulous, Miraculous Marching, meaty, monologue Meandering, Miranda Mesmerizing, Mezzanine Meteoric Morphic Rising and falling, EBB & FLOW IN & OUT Back and forth, Free flow Cask-flow, Flowchart, CHART Charter, Chapter And verse, ADVERSE reaction, In chains Chain Reaction ‘Re:Act-On’ REACT to REACT or ACTOR Ad Infinity To infinity, & Beyond! Beyond, behold, beheld, Awesome, astonishing, Awe Some Astonishing All-or-nothing, all-for-one, one-for-all ALL BE IT Albeit ALL AT ONCE ALL At-once At-one With Atrocious Acuity Actualising Alliterative Alliterations! Absolutes, Absolutely Fabulous! Ab Fab, A OK A okay, A Maze Amazing Grace A Maze Sing GRACE SING Amazing Grace How sweet The sound That saved a wretch like me, Although I speak in tongues I SPEAK UNSPEAKABLE ACTS UNSPEAKABLE TRUTHS UNSPOKEN, Unspoiled, unspoilt, AND YET ABSOLUTE ABSOLUTION ABSOLVING ABSOLUTION BY NECESSITY NECESSITY DRIVEN DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION Detraction of, Distraction from, RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS, LOVING KINDNESS SPEAKING OF WHICH SPEAKING OF WITCH Speaking of which, I must away to my garden for air, And feeling Breathing In the day Day of breakthrough, cracking and splitting of the seed Encased no more! Under the earth, Know longer Upwardly mobile AT FIRST Breaking up, breaking down, breaking in, breaking out, Break on through, brake, on, through Break on through to the other side! Through the darkness, upward toward the light, the heat, the welcoming warmth of the thawing winter sun, Shining, Shining On, off, out, in, down, up, through Throught the brilliance of the brilliant light Shine on you crazy diamond, Die Die, is cast Cast off, cast away, cast out DOUBT Reborn, Rebirthed, remodelled Rebirth, reborn, a new, Afresh Through the soil, Bursting for a pee, Bursting forth for me! First, fourth, fifth Musical relations, Relational reality Relationships Betwixt & between A rock, and a hard place, Between frying pan and fire Heaven and earth, awakening the qi Qi gong, prana, life-force Of nature Of man Of mice, & men And women & girls AND ANGELS I’m just sounding-off, Sounding Brass, Tinkling cymbals, Symbols Symbiotic, osmosis, Symbiosis Bombastic, Monastic Fantastic Infant In-fantasy, in-fancy, in-finitely, in-fidelity In one voice, A WHOLE UNIVERSE Uni Verse One voice One voice Voice of reason, Voices in my head, Voice on the phone Voice Feelings Being ALONE Map Charts Hit parade Falling, Falling, Falling Down, down down Deep deep deep Dark dark dark Depths Me Ran Duh! Ring! Meandering Miranda Miraculously Miss Taken, Miss Appropriated Miss Named Miss Nomer No more! Renamed, RE NAMED FOR HERSELF By herself, herself alone All ONE, ALLONE, ALONE ONE Easy, take-it! Take it easy ‘Easy does it’! Do it! Easily on yourself, on your own head, BE IT! In readiness to respond openly and authentically to to each unfolding moment. Just Here NOW
What the caterpillar perceives as the end of the world,